Tuesday, January 19, 2010

emotional purging to my dear blog...

to say that i have been in a conflict of emotions today would be an understatement. i would say the biggest feeling i have had today is fear, mixed with a good dose of loneliness. i am a worrier and a control freak. for the past six years my life has been somewhat predictable. i know how to do three kids. i am at a comfortable place. sure a few curve balls have been thrown my way, and whenever you have kids there are always moments that make you hold your breath (for good and bad). but despite that, we have been a family of five.
tomorrow that will change to six. i am so thankful for this gift from heaven. i am so thankful to have been able to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. i am thankful that we have a wonderful, warm home to bring him home to. believe me, with all that's going on in the world right now, gratitude for all of my blessings is on the forefront of my mind. but i am a woman with hormones, and lots of worries.
i blog all of this to help purge it from my heart a bit, to document my feelings at this time in my life, and for therapy's sake. cheap therapy. funny how this blog has become my closest friend in a lot of ways. hmm. but i digress....
deep breath.
ok. i am ready for this, i think.
no, i am. i've done it before.
it's just that unknown thing again.
life is a grand adventure, a roller coaster ride. right now i am cresting a hill. you know the feeling of fear, apprehension, excitement, and butterflies in your stomach? yeah, i'm there. totally.
so take another deep breath.
remember not to close your eyes too tight (or you might miss something).
and throw your hands in the air! this is the best part!

5 comments:

Family Valois said...

I blog for therapy sometimes as well! But I so know what you're feeling. There is a huge gap of 7 years between my second and my baby. I was so scared. And I won't lie. What a change it has been! But the biggest blessing one could ever have!

You'll do great tomorrow. And you will be holding your new son, and tomorrow will be filled with such happiness.

Congratulations. I'll think of you all day tomorrow! :)

Natalie* said...

love you so much, dear friend. will be thinking of you all day tomorrow. cannot wait to hold the little man.

presenceofself@comcast.net said...

I am with you in spirit and in heart always dear daughter and I hold that your delivery and birth of Ashton will be blessed with goodness from God and a healthy baby and mother.
I look forward to holding dear sweet Ashton!
I love you and look forward to the call.
Mom

Jaime said...

Good luck tomorrow!

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