2009 Bolder Boulder 10K

i
am
not
a runner.

but
i
do
a
good
job
pretending!
my stats for the bolder boulder:
prior training....none.
apprehension...plenty.
my want of conquering something i am afraid of...very big.
10k (or 6.something miles).....done!
time...1 hour, 30 minutes.
YES!
i ran this with stephan. he was amaaaazing. he had absolutely NO training (i have run once or twice in the past couple weeks). but he blew me away. he took off, and i am pretty sure was held back just a little by me. he would run ahead, but not too far ahead. there was a record-breaking crowd of 56,000 participants. one could easily lose your running buddy in such a sea 'o runners. but he stayed close enough not to lose sight of me. he pushed me when i needed it. gave me room to walk and listen to my body when i needed to. motivated me every step of the way. one could not ask for a better running companion. thank you sweet husband!
i am sore. my knees feel like bags of crunched up potato chips. my arse is sore too.
it's good.
it's all good.


halfway through the race i had a moment of complete clarity. a moment that makes one want to drop to their knees and breathe in every scent that surrounds. i was absolutely living my life on purpose, in that moment, and conscious of my every last blessing!
i
am
so
blessed!

evolution of a garden...

we have talked about having a garden for quite some time. this year, in the middle of wide-spread economic down-fall, seemed like a good time to make good on all our talk.

a garden seems like such a simple undertaking. to me, the wide-eyed, the garden-illiterate. i do okay with houseplants so i figured, what could be so different? ha! A LOT!

enter the internet-reading, research-doing husband. he rides in on a gas powered tiller to save the day. or, put some home-grown veggies on our table.


step 1)
do a little math and figure out how much space to carve out for your garden.
clear it.
rake it.
prep it. (and when i say prepping, i mean add cow poop/manure, and other such nutrients)


step 2)
shovel all that beautiful compost you've worked on through the year into wheel barrow.
comment on the coolness of turning your organic waste into compost. several times.

step 3)
continue to marvel at the compost. it's just so dang cool!!!


i mean, look...a soybean shell. staring up at me.
ah, that soybean and i had some good times!
it will continue to serve me well.


step 4)
till.
till some more.
till 'til you can't till anymore. working it all in is apparently very important.
(notice the smile on stephan's face. it's rewarding even at this early stage!)
step 6)
build rabbit, dog, kid proof gate. (not pictured, but soon to be added)
the rest of the steps are soon to come. that's as far as we've gotten.
planting will happen tomorrow.

garden of the gods

we had fun.
just taking a few pics.
hanging out together.
me and him.
doing what we do best.
being..... together!

this guy was rocking the side of this rock!

and this guy was rocking the side of this rock!! :)

photo credit: stephan
he captured this image of me looking lovingly at a cute dog.
he said this is me. totally me.

i am obsessed with tree branches these days. don't ask.

us.

him.

rough, rugged, untamed beauty.

ryan

(ryan's hands and footprints. a necklace given to me by my dear friend, natalie)

one year ago i went in for my twenty week ultrasound. full of hope, excitement, anticipation. i left the office with a broken heart. my son had passed away and i needed to give birth.

i walked into the hospital holding my head high. i had a day to process the raw emotions, and now i needed to take care of the physical end of it. they put me in a special birthing room, reserved for mothers in the situation i was in: knowing they were going to deliver a stillborn baby. the outside of the door had a picture (of a sunset or something) to let the doctors and nurses that entered know that the occasion was not a happy one, and congratulations were not in order. you have no idea how much i appreciated this because i was wondering how many people would smile and congratulate us. i put my things down and sat on the bed. i wasn't prepared for the title wave of emotion that would hit me. right next to the bed was a baby warmer/bassinet. they had laid out several tools that are used for cleaning the baby after delivery. i cried. hard. all stephan could do was hold me. there were no more words of comfort. over the next six hours or so i was in labor. it was painful in every way. no reward at the end. my only comfort was that ryan's spirit was looking down from above. it happened quietly. my tiny baby was gently delivered, swaddled in a receiving blanket, and placed in my arms. he was fully formed. all of him would have fit in the palm of my hand. i placed his limp hand across my fingernail and mourned. i didn't want to let him go. the doctor gave us time to be with him, pray with him, love him. we cried together and held our son. then we said goodbye...for now. promises of seeing him, and raising him on the other side were our only comfort. the nurse did his hand and foot prints. i can't tell you how thankful i am that she did, it is my only "photo" of ryan.

this year has been one of the most powerful, growth-inducing years of my life. i have grown closer to my heavenly father than i ever could have imagined. my testimony of the gospel, and heavenly fathers plan for us is deep. i know, without a doubt, that He has a plan for us. pain and suffering is part of that plan. i believe He mourns with us and knows our pain on every level. i also believe He will never give us more than we can handle. as hard as it has been, i have handled this trial, and continue to do so everyday. my pain will never fully go away. i don't want it to. it is what i have left of ryan, for now. i am thankful for my husband. he stands by me, loves me, holds me and fulfills my every need. this trial has deepened our relationship.

i write this because it is healing for me. i want to remember my feelings - good and bad. i want my other children to know what this time was like. and perhaps this will help another going through a similar trial.

i love you ryan. we miss you and think of you all the time. even though your body is not here, your spirit is felt in our home. i can't wait for the day when i will be able to hold you again. you have taught me so much, you have given me so much. thank you, sweet, dear son.

working with what you have

one of my favorite stores (ever) is anthropologie. pretty sure i've mentioned that, but if not, there you go. why is this so? well, inspiration, of course! case in point, my latest creations:


both were semi-plain clothing items. the second, short-sleeve shirt, didn't fit me quite right. both are now cute layering, cardigan-type lovelies.

gorgeous movies and books

i read a book on sunday.
all of it, on sunday (granted it's short).it's been a really long time since i've done that.
girl with a pearl earring by tracy chevalier is amazing. it's a fictional story, laced with facts. the author has taken a masterpiece painting (often referred to as the mona lisa of the north), by vermeer, and painted us a fictional background of the painting, girl with a pearl earring. this is the kind of book that dwells in your soul after you read it. you are pulled into the world of 17th century holland. it's almost hard to re-adjust to 21st century life. almost. (i really love my electricity and running water)

i had to buy the movie. so i went on amazon.com and did so. of course i couldn't be expected to wait until i got it, so my friend natalie lent it to me. she went above and beyond and gave me my very own vermeer art book. thank you, thank you, natalie! (vermeer is her absolute favorite artist, so the passion for the work is very much shared.)
the movie did not dissapoint. my only complaint was that they did cut out quite a bit and altered certain scenes. understandable in the interest of keeping it streamlined enough for two hours. you fall in love with vermeer and his work all over again. collin firth plays vermeer. brilliant. i was breathless while watching certain scenes between him and scarlett johansson. their chemistry is palpable to say the least.
watch it. trust me it's worth it.


then we have another period piece. (actually that's kind of been a theme for me lately.)
this one also comes on recommendation (and borrowed) from natalie. i loved it. it is a story that champions the underdog in a unique way. a story of the power of the human mind and heart. gripping. passionate. stunning in many ways. it, too, has carved it's little place in my soul.

and finally, we come to a new favorite of mine. right up there with jane eyre....jane austens pride and prejudice. i am currently reading the book.
i think most are familiar with the book and the movie (some version of it). i saw the version with keira knightly. truly beautiful in every way. after watching it, i found myself googling 19th century clothing and hairstyles. one of these years, for halloween, or another such ocassion, i will be elizabeth bennett. and stephan (unbeknownst to him) will be mr. darcy. period.

happy birthday stephan!

last week was stephans birthday. i asked our son what kind of cake i should make for daddy. he said a princess cake. so, a princess-peep cake was created!


i don't know many men that would be kosher with receiving a pink cake. stephan was, and that is one of the thousands of reasons why i love him so.
i wanted a picture of him with his cake. what does he do? bite off a peep head. typical stephan.
happy birthday to my husband, best friend, and all around good dude!!!

return from my 'internet interlude'...

i think my computer drama prompted me to take a break from the internet. from blogging, blog-surfing - all of it. it was nice, i must say.
in that time i have worked on my studio a bit. my husband built me an awesome, waist-high desk. i put chicken wire on the wall for my inspiration board. and my friend natalie and i made bird dream catchers.
my apologies if in my haste some of the pics are a bit blurry. i didn't want to mess with the lighting, and frankly was feeling a bit lazy. so there you go.

oh, and the underlining thing.....more computer/blog meyhem! does anyone know how to fix it??

my trip to nervous-breakdown-ville

i know i've blogged about this before...my love/hate relationship with computers. yes. i know i have because once a year or so my computer makes me jump through hoops. this time the term "panic-attacks" doesn't even begin to come close to an accurate description of my experience.

i'm not going to go through the play-by-play of it all. i will just say that i have been schooled by my computer and hard drive. did you know you can lose everything on your hard drive? yep, you probably did. in fact, judging by the look on the Best Buy workers face, i am one of very few naive people out there who didn't know this. it doesn't take much really. and then, poof. gone. seriously, totally gone. pictures, digi files, music, programs. gone. tears were shed. heart palpatations occured. i assure you i am not being dramatic. i came face to face with my total dependence on my computer and hard drive - and it wasn't pretty.

so lesson learned. the hard way. the hardest way. i will back EVERYTHING in creation up - three fold. period.

oh, and thank you to donna - computer diva extraordinaire. stacey - cs3 diva extraordinaire. and stephan, for occasionally bringing me back from that oh so dark, rocking myself, crazed stare, senseless mumbling, state of being.

we interrupt these cancun posts for ... homemade pasta!

i love the fact that i can say to stephan:
hmm, it's been awhile since you've made homemade pasta. why don't we have that for dinner tomorrow.
to which he replies, sure. that sounds good.
then he goes a step further and puts lovely fresh herbs in it.
homemade stuff rocks!

cancun recap - post 2

day two in paradise. what bliss awaits me today? only the event i looked forward to the most, the dolphin swim!

i had no idea what to expect. would we be in the open ocean? how tame would the dolphins be? aren't all dolphins relatively tame anyway? will i get to ride on their backs? (yes, that was the ten year old little girl in me wanting that) i was giddy.

so we board another shuttle bus and settle in for a two hour ride to Xel-Ha. pronounced shell-ha - in case that was a burning dilemma for you, as it was for me. the ride was good. the anticipation was almost more than i could bear. my mom, however, was having a bit of anxiety over it. she is afraid of the water, especially water you can't see the bottom of. i did my best to calm her nerves, and applauded her in taking on her fear. bravo, mom!

Xel-Ha is a beautiful theme park. of sorts. you get wrist bands and enter in revolving gates much the same as you would at disneyland. but once inside you realize you won't be seeing costumed characters roaming the park available for photo ops. instead you watch where you step so as not to get in the path of a large kimono dragon. you look at each tree and try to spot a parrot. you gasp as you see the gorgeous cliffs and ocean before you. upon closer examination you realize that all those moving things in the water are droves of snorkeling tourists. identifyable by their bright blue life jackets (everyone is wearing one). this is perfect. i was afraid my glorious dolphin swim experience might be cheapened by occuring in a pool. no pool here. excellent.

this was what lie in wait for my mom and i:

but first we had to eat lunch. and go through a series of hurry up and wait scenerios. like, wait for the guide to take you over to the dolphin swim area. then, wait in the line to sign your, ' if-i-die-i-won't-sue-the-park' legal waiver. next you are ushered into a small arena of sorts, to watch a video on what not to do during your dolphin experience. we are told that the video is in spanish, but not to worry as subtitles will guide you through. um, unless you majored in speed reading, the subtitles were useless. it went fast! the only saving grace (and only thing stopping my mom and i from raising our hands with pathetic looks of "help, i seriously don't understand this") was that there were picutures. and whenever a forebidden action came on screen, there was a big red "X" drawn through it - with a swishing sound effect. it was clear. american-tourist-dummy proof. sigh of relief.

okay, now after the video, they haphazardly pass out life vests. many of us didn't get one, and there was a bit more panic. hands raising, looks of concern, all the standard 'don't leave me out' stuff. next you are sectioned off into groups of 6-7 and marched out onto your waiting platform (see above picture). and then, into the water you go.

the trainer (of both the dolphins and the humans) gives specific instructions, which the dolphins follow way better than the humans do. it's amazing how quickly intelligent adults can resort back to fifth grade behavior, and need to be gently reprimanded for. yep, that was us - all of us. they even made us do stupid human tricks disguised as dolphin commands. i have a video of the whole thing. it's hilarious, and the dolphins endure every bit of our stupidity. good dolphin.

no cameras are allowed, but for a mere $25.00 per picture you can have your dolphin memory for a lifetime. come on, how can you not purchase at least one?? yes, it stank of big business, but we all fell. hook, line and sinker.



brave mama with her triumphant smile!!! i think the dolphin was a bit proud of her too.
he rewarded her with a sweet (albeit a bit rubbery) peck on the cheek.

ah, this is the life!

cancun recap - post 1

my friend natalie gave me an adorable little travel journal before i left. so handy, and i did my best recording my thoughts. here is a bit from that:

journal - day 1 and 2

our hotel is gorgeous! amazing. it is better than i could have hoped for. the view could only be described as breathtaking. i woke up this morning to the gentle call of the ocean waves lapping on the beach. seriously?! the water is clear blue, oh so inviting. it beckons me. even from the fourteenth floor of this glorious hotel.

let me backtrack a moment to when we arrived in mexico. arriving in another country is truly something. almost as soon as you step off the plane, you are greeted by a series of long lines. the first of which is the longest - to have your passport checked and stamped. then it's off to your next wait...retrieving your luggage. this is where everyone is clearly waiting around with bated breath. will my luggage arrive? will it have been rifled through? deep breath. go to my zen place and recite a calming mantra. all will be well. ahh, there it is! my well-loved, slightly-worn, red bag. seemingly unrifled through. my mom had a less straight forward experience. the luggage gods made her wait a bit longer. but then, her luggage made it's appearance. all is right in the world. okay, off to our final line - customs. it's curious how this works. you stand in, yes another line, and when you at the front of said line a custom agent waves you to them. then you press an "oz-like" button and hold your breath. you want a green light. green is the color of freedom. green mean no invasive luggage search. red however...red is a different story. i don't want to know the red side of things. alas! once again, the travel gods have smiled upon us...we both recieved green lights. now what? surely we simply board our appropriate shuttle and are whisked off to our lovely hotel. not quite. what happens next is what i call my "celebrity experience". you exit the airport, step out into the humid cancun air, and are facing a large semi-circle of native faces holding signs and banners. it took us a little while to spot ours. once inside the shuttle, and a bit crammed in, it hits me that i am in paradise. we were handed ice cold towels that smelled of fragrant flowers, and a bottle of cold water. how refreshing!

our experience thus far has been lovely. truly enjoyable!

(i opened the drawer of the bedside table and saw a book of mormon. fabulous!)

breakfast on our balcony each morning. nice.


i had to take a picture of this "coke light". you ask for a diet coke, and this is what you get.

paradise found.

i *heart* stephan!

today, whilst preparing myself for my upcoming vacation, i saw this on the kitchen table: (click image for larger view)

it is the menu he has prepared (and corresponding shopping list) for next week. he will be cooking these fabulous meals. not to impress company. not to 'wow' a patron of one of the many great restaurants he has worked in. he will be cooking them for our three boys. i was a bit overcome by his efforts - and definitely appreciative of his stellar fathering skills!!




oh, and he also made four flavorful, gorgeous loaves of french bread. and a loaf of irish soda bread. last night. just cause he felt like it.

stephan, my sweet husband, simply put: you ROCK my world!!
happy valentines day.

four days and counting....

i leave for gorgeous cancun in four short days!!! my mom was chosen to be a part of the winners circle (with her job). an elite few get to go to this amAZING resort:
she was able to take one guest, and she chose ME!! how lucky am i?? i never dreamed i would ever get to go to such a place. ever.
these are actual photos of where we will be staying.


a photographers paradise, don't you think? maybe i will get in a blog post or two whilst enjoying the sound of the waves and the ocean breeze. ah, cancun.