gone but not forgotten

last tuesday i went for my 20 week ultrasound. there was a problem. we had to sit in a waiting room for 35 minutes until the doctor came (from the hospital) to tell us that our baby no longer had a heartbeat. the next day i was induced and delivered our sweet Ryan Scott. i got to hold him and say goodbye. i have every detail of his tiny body forever in my mind and heart. i know, without a doubt, that he is in heaven. it has been my faith that has gotten me through every day and every minute. i have spent lots of time in prayer and quiet meditation. i do feel empty and not quite sure what to do with myself. one minute he was with us, then gone. as personal as this is i have felt impressed to write about it on my blog. writing is therapeutic for me and has been ever since i was a little girl. why would that change now? it's talking about it with people face to face that is almost unbearable. i have been in "hiding" since last tuesday, talking only to a few people. it just hurts too much. that is my way to deal. i avoid. not good. but that is my natural response. i have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support by friends and family. that has been incredibly healing to me. just knowing i have that support, and knowing that people are keeping our family in their prayers. i am constantly amazed by the amount of love that is around me. what a blessing. i know that we will be with Ryan again, and that he is in the choicest place possible. that knowledge alone is making this bearable.

traveling art kit

i have been wanting to do this for some time now. to have a kit with me whenever the creative urge beckons. so i found this cute little hard case bag at ross and went to town. i had a hard time deciding what was essential. but i think i came up with a good selection of things i use regularly. i will use this even when i'm home. so often i want to work in my art journal but want to be in my bedroom or upstairs with the family. i think this will be a good solution.

i found this beauty in our backyard. what an amazing gift!! i love little surprises like this...made me so happy yesterday!

that darn couch just keeps calling

he makes it so hard for me to tell him to get off. he purposely cuddles and snuggles and puts on his cutest doggy expressions to prolong his nesting time on the couch! yesterday it took all that i could muster up to tell him to get off.i mean look at that face...that tongue strategically placed...and those eyes!! he was melting me!

today vs. yesterday

yesterday i went on a field trip with noah's preschool class to a place called four mile historical park. it was so cool because the kids got to do lots of hands-on activities...things the pioneers had to do everyday. of course they thought it was fun, not work or chores at all. it was a brisk day, but the kids were able to shed their jackets after awhile.

they got to make their own butter....and eat it too!! it was yummy, actually.
...and pan for gold. each found a tiny bit after some sifting through the sand of the creek water.



but........this is what we woke up to this morning:
crazy colorado weather! i am keeping the boys home today because it is still snowing. in a few days i'm sure it will all be a distant memory!!

altered objects

i have been wanting to branch out a bit from paper scrapbooking, mainly working with larger canvases. but this cute little holder (which i bought at the dollar store) just begged to be altered a bit. i collect old scrabble games, so i have tons of tiles. this little project makes me happy! it lives happily in the boys bathroom as a not-so-subtle reminder for them to brush their teeth!

and then there's these small canvases. i got them a couple of years ago at big lots, i think. they have a generic asian scence painted on them. i haven't been crazy about them, so last night i changed them. at the bottom it says "our love just gets better & better". the first canvas picture was taken after stephan got baptized, before we were married. the second was taking in monterrey, ca in 2006 when we lived in ca. and i can honestly say that i love him more today than i ever have. that, to me, is so cool! :)

great moments captured!

i love it when the shot just comes together...especially with kids on the move! it's hard to do, but when it happens it makes me so happy! i am really trying to always have my camera with me these days. i feel like i've slacked a little with picture taking.
we took the boys to the park by our house this weekend (of course i had ideas of my own in the form of a mini photo shoot!) they had a lot of fun. i remember when i was little and swinging as high as i could then jumping off was the best. the feeling of flying for even a moment was worth the hard fall. now as a mom i find myself wanting to tell my kids, "not so high" or "be careful, you're landing too hard". but i let them be kids despite my control issues. instead i focused on trying to capture the moment. i think i did:



look at the look on his face...he is watching everything his brothers do and making mental notes. won't be long until he is trying the flying swing maneuver!

i miss this.....

california! mainly the beaches, san francisco, monterrey, taking long drives along the coast and exploring new places, favorite mexican restaurants, did i mention the BEACH??!! and family of course!

card two and house pics

so i'm really into these "be" cards. they are really fun to put thought into and are like miniture art journals. here is the latest that i did last night. the picture isn't of anyone i know, i just kind of collect vintage photos.
we are in fact making progress on our home. albeit slow progress...it's forward movement nonetheless. it feels more like home since we have put our pictures up!



and our living room ceiling fan! what a process that was to get up and going!! i thought it might never happen. we only have 8 foot ceilings in our living room, so anyone who is taller than, well, me, might have to duck to avoid possible beheading. hmm...i wonder if it's bad that i care more about having this awesome fan than the welfare of those who enter my home. no matter, the fan is staying after all it took to get it up!

good for the soul

yesterday was a tough day. nothing too horrible, but normal stuff that got to be a lot of stress. my way of coping with the stress is to create. either sewing, scrapbooking, anything creative will do. i get to immerse myself in a world of my very own. so last night i thought i would FINALLY begin my word of the year stuff. (back in january i posted on choosing a word of the year that inspires) i made a journal page and a small card-like page. i think it will end up in a file of some sort. not sure yet. it's not any conventional size to fit in any sort of album, so it's up to me to build a home for it.

this one was fun because i got to play with a sharpie and watercolor pencils.

sorry you may not be able to read the journaling. i listed things that were true for me yesterday. this was the first page i did last night. very therapeutic indeed!!


more soccer pics! i really need to work with him because he isn't quite grasping the concept of going after and kicking the ball. he will. he has fun out there though!!
check out mr. casual with his hands in his pockets!