yesterday i went in to the doctor, and after one final check, said my goodbyes to this little child. i opted for the medicine that would soften my cervix and begin contractions. it worked. really well. then it didn't. i started bleeding (sorry this may get a bit graphic) at around 2:30pm yesterday. every 20-30 minutes when i felt like i needed to empty my bladder, my uterus needed to empty itself first. to give you an idea of the amount (this will make sense later on) it was roughly 2 cups of blood and tissue each time. lots. as the day and evening progressed i was feeling weaker and weaker. i told stephan that it was a lot of blood and tissue - more than i remember the first time. but i left it at that, because, well, i am not a doctor. how was i to know if it was okay or not. this continued through the night - the blood loss never letting up. at around 2:00 am i was coming back to bed from the bathroom and collapsed from the faintness and dizziness i was experiencing. i didn't wake stephan, rather, i felt and climbed my way (over two large slumbering dogs) back to bed. this happened again about 30 minutes later. the third time this happened, i felt maybe i should wake stephan and ask him for help walking to and from the bathroom. i really didn't want to seem like a drama queen about it, and felt so silly asking for help. i scoff at help - usually. well, of course, after i told him why i needed help, and how weak and dizzy i was he lept up and went into action. first he went downstairs and cut up and apple and brought me some juice. he ordered me to eat at least a few pieces and drink some juice - to bring my blood sugars back up. then he called the on-call ob doctor. after describing the situation, she said bring her in. we need to do an emergency D & C. well, okay, i guess (not that i had a vote. stephan insisted) what to do with three sleeping kiddos???? after short deliberation we called our friends kim and jon l. they let us bring our kids over at 3:30am. true friendship, and true service. off to the hospital. so the long and short of the rest of the story is that i was examined, given two i.v. lines (because of my low blood pressure), and prepped for the OR. because of that tiny amount of food i consumed they had to put a tube down my throat during surgery to keep anything from coming up. as soon as i heard that was the case my only concern was the pain and general yuckiness of how a tube down my throat would feel. luckily they put me out - way out - before the tube was put in. i woke up with an incredible sore throat, which i still have. other than that, just weakness from the surgery. not too bad at all, really.
so i have to acknowledge a few people (and please know that i love all of you and your support has meant so much!!)
kim l. : thank you so much for taking my kids in at o dark thirty. and with a newborn at home!! i will never be able to repay your love and kindness, but i will try. you know how hard it is for me to ask for help, so you usually beat me to the punch.
tammy: thank you for having my older boys over last night for a "normal" evening and "normal" environment. not one riddled with the stress of my ordeal. they have taken this hard, and it meant so much knowing that they were having a good time and well taken care of!
jandi: another friend who knows that i hate asking for help, and that i probably won't. she showed up (before heading out of town, even) with a freezer meal, cookies, and some other goodies for me. this act of service meant so much to me. thank you!!
natalie: she left a beautiful gift and even more beautiful card for me on my door sunday. i was deeply touched by her words and love. i have to mention the gift: an adorable fabric flower pin. i love it, but what i love even more was the sentiment that real flowers don't last, so she wanted to give me a flower that would. that is so how i think too!!! thanks girl - i loved it!
stacey: for taking the older boys for the rest of the week!!! a true act of service as she has to take ben to school and pick him up each day. this act of service is so amazing to me! thank you!
my mom: for having such an amazing talk with me the night before she left. her words have and will remain in my heart. they have given me strengh and permission to grieve in what ever way i need to.
....and erin, angie, terri, & olivia. for letting me know that they would be there for me on a moments notice. love you girls!
stephan: i think it goes without saying how much i love and appreciate my awesome husband. but i will anyway. he held me hand, stroked my hair, called the doctor and rushed me to the hospital when i needed it most. i love you so much...you are my everything!