Monday, November 10, 2008

update #2

i waited patiently ALL day friday for that phone call from the doctor. it turned out he was in an emergency c-section for most of the afternoon. sigh. well, at around 5pm i got the call. immediately i knew. i probably even knew before he called me. i think heavenly father had been preparing me all week. my blood levels had changed only a fraction. not nearly enough for the pregnancy to be viable. now what? i still have not experienced any symptoms of a miscarriage (except for some cramping on saturday). well, today i get to go in and have one final ultrasound - to be sure, really sure. then we go from there. he can give me a medicine to start contractions. i can wait it out. or a d&c. he doesn't recommend the latter for me though. so i have decided to go with the medicine. i am not about to wait for what could be weeks. no thank you. the bad part about miscarriages (this is my second. i miscarried my very first pregnancy in 1995) is that you go through labor. you dilate to about a 7. at home - with NO pain medication, and NO wonderful reward of being able to enjoy your baby after your hard work. to make matters worse, stephan is leaving for CA on wednesday, and won't be back until saturday, maybe sunday. so i am scared. scared of so many things. it's hard not to be. the thing i don't want, more than anything else, is to be alone. i want this to happen before stephan has to leave. i pray for this, and hope heavenly father knows that even though i am strong, i just don't think i'm strong enough to be alone during this loss.

so that is where things stand. i will post more as things develop. it helps to write about it. it helps to have all of your support and love. thank you to all my wonderful friends and family who have stood by me through this second go around with loss. i can't begin to express my appreciation.

7 comments:

Olivia said...

Remember that we are all here for you, Kim. Just a call away, if you ever need anything. I'm so sorry that you are going through all this. I'll be praying for you. (((Hugs)))

Bealls said...

Kim, I'm so sorry you are going through this, I know Heavenly Father will be there for you to make the best decision. I've heard some stories about miscarrying, and was always told to opt for a D&C if possible, I had one after Riley was born and it was painless for me. You might talk to Melissa Jackson too, she has a story to tell! Good Luck, I will be thinking of you!

Jandi said...

We love you Kim... You are NOT alone. It feels that way and it will be scary for him to be gone. Please don't do this alone. So many are here for you. Use us please!

Angie Fellows said...

I am SO sorry Kim! You are definitely not alone- we would all LOVE to come be with you. You are definitely in my throughts and prayers. If you need somewhere for Noah to go, or anything at all-PLEASE CALL!!!!

Adventures In The Land Of Hahl said...

alone is not even an option. it's hard that this is happening at a time that stephan has to be away. but - we are all here for you and are just a phone call away! i can be there in less than a minute. and i am always available to take kids as well. please let us be there for you!

Stacey said...

I am so sorry! I had a miscarriage my first pegnancy too.. my thoughts are with you!! Let me know if you want me to take the boys...I can get Ben to school and back too if you want!! Seriously...let me know!!

Erin said...

I'm so sorry. Please know that we are just around the corner and can and will do whatever you need to support you. Don't consider it asking for help, consider it accepting love.