epiphany

last night i started watching a movie that seemed like it was going absolutely nowhere...fast. or slowly. it was long, too long and i almost gave up on it. stephan fell asleep. we kept looking at each other saying, are you following this? well, something told me to stick with it. i did. the effect was profound. it's been awhile since a movie has provoked an epiphany. this one did. i was a total mess at the end...crying and lost in thought.

the movie???.........
it left me thinking a lot about my father who i lost when i was three. and i thought about ryan. that loss is still very fresh in my heart and i hurt a great deal. but there was some healing to be had in this movie. and a reminder that we are all at choice. all the time. we can choose how we live each moment of our lives. choose to be happy, sad, mad, depressed. we can take an experience and do something amazing with it, or let it rule us. i needed this message. it is something i know, but needed reminding of and a movie is a great visual way to do that. i love it when this happens. what a surprise it was that it happened in this movie. like i said, i almost turned it off.
so this day and everyday i will be conscious of the choices in front of me. i want to live an extraordinary life and savor each happy, sad, angry, funny, exhilerating moment! isn't that a huge part of what it's all about anyway??

steamer lane

santa cruz! steamer lane. one of the best surf spots in the world. it was amazing to be able to photograph these guys. this first photo is showing you how you get out there. there is no beach. just jagged rocks that you have to jump off of to get in the water. many surfers die here because of the rocks, the sharks, the waves. the ocean commands respect. not for the faint of heart.



the rules (of course there are many others that are unspoken):

nothing makes me happier than to see the girls out there with the boys...giving them a run for their money!!! :)





future surfers???

santa cruz

one of my favorite places on earth! i love the beach ( i think i've mentioned that a time or two) and santa cruz just has a really groovy vibe. it was a good beach day if you could get past the scorching hot sand. i spent more time behind the camera than anything, but that is exactly where i want to be.



manresa beach is a great surfing spot. i secretly wish i could work for a surfer magazine as a photographer. ha! a big dream, but fun to pretend!!! i actually would have loved to have been on that board myself.... :)

more disney...

kyles first 'roller coaster' type ride was indiana jones. he asked nichole about a thousand questions about the ride while we were in line. he was more than a little apprehensive. but he survived and liked it...a little.


we rented a stroller for noah, but ended up pushing nichole around in it most of the day...poor thing was so tuckered out!! (ha, ha)


coming off of thunder mountain....my mom is the one with her hands in the air. by the look on her face you might assume she had a blast, and you would be right!


and you can't come to disney and NOT do the teacups. those are always fun. :)

disneyland... aka kid heaven

whew. sigh. back from disney. we had so much fun and what a great time of year to go. i think the longest we waited for any ride was 30 minutes. and it was overcast and a bit rainy the day we went, but not bad. at all. i will take that any day over 100 degree weather, lines, crowds, blah, blah, blah. great time indeed!!!

favorite moment: at dinner after our day at disney noah asks, rather thoughtfully, will Jesus be mad because i love mickey mouse so much. to which we replied, no, why would he? to which he says, well i just love Mickey so much and i love Jesus too...i want to be sure there is enough love for both and that Jesus doesn't feel left out. sweet!


a random pirate that escaped from the pirates of the carribbean ride. arghhhhh!

so the line to hug Pooh was very long, and honestly noah was a little shy. see him peeking at Pooh from behind the garbage can??
cool man at the lego store...........

good for the soul

all of this has been so healing to my soul........



it's the people and things that i dearly love. this is good medicine!! :)

keeping busy

i have been keeping myself occupied lately...with various things i have been wanting to do for awhile. they have turned out quite nicely, i think. have a look!!


1) i am all about pillowcase skirts these days! dreamy vintage pillowcases i collect from thrift shops. here is one of the skirts i have made (sorry for the wrinkles - i pulled it out of the dryer for the pic.) the strip of fabric sewn into the side is an adorable fabric i got at my favorite online fabric joint. i will be so sad when it is gone, and it almost is.


2) barrettes!!! the first two are covered with vintage fabric i have collected. the second is an ordinary silk flower with a button sewn into the middle, but it looks so dang cute on! and the third is a really cool vintage button. i actually think it is bone of some sort.


3) okay, for these bobbies i kind of "borrowed" the idea from a store i frequent. i saw them for sale in the store and thought...i could totally make those!! so as soon as i got home, i did! i love, love, love them. i think they would be adorable nested in the soft locks of a little girl, no? i am thinking of putting them up for sale in my etsy shop....perhaps...



4) i have been promising a friend of mine that i would make a necklace, or something out of wire-wrapped beads she gave me. finally i have motivated myself to do it!! sorry tara....i know i've had those dang beads forEVER! i am pleased with the final product and even managed to squeak out a pair of earrings too. she will get her beads back today!! :)


i am off to california tomorrow for two weeks!! i think it will be the therapy i need. i will be posting from there, so check in for some sweet cali photos!! bye!

things that bring happiness...

1) my husband. especially when he wears those shorts and boots!

2) kisses from my kids!!


3) blooming flowers right in my front (and back) yard

4) prayer.
5) FRIENDS & FAMILY....and random outpouring of support and love!!!! so huge!
6) my ipod.
7) magazines.
8) hugs.
9) diet coke.
10) sweet and loving comments left on my blog. i cannot tell you how much they make my heart smile!!!! thank you!

self portrait

in my time of healing i have been searching different ways to get my feelings out and document this time. this is very important to me. i journal in many differnt ways. there is a blog that i came across that spoke to me. i added the link to the side of my blog, but here it is:
http://selfportraitchallenge.net/

here is a picture i took yesterday. in the moment. just being. i spend a lot of time thinking and sorting things out in my mind these days. this is probably what my family sees me doing most of the time.

gone but not forgotten

last tuesday i went for my 20 week ultrasound. there was a problem. we had to sit in a waiting room for 35 minutes until the doctor came (from the hospital) to tell us that our baby no longer had a heartbeat. the next day i was induced and delivered our sweet Ryan Scott. i got to hold him and say goodbye. i have every detail of his tiny body forever in my mind and heart. i know, without a doubt, that he is in heaven. it has been my faith that has gotten me through every day and every minute. i have spent lots of time in prayer and quiet meditation. i do feel empty and not quite sure what to do with myself. one minute he was with us, then gone. as personal as this is i have felt impressed to write about it on my blog. writing is therapeutic for me and has been ever since i was a little girl. why would that change now? it's talking about it with people face to face that is almost unbearable. i have been in "hiding" since last tuesday, talking only to a few people. it just hurts too much. that is my way to deal. i avoid. not good. but that is my natural response. i have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support by friends and family. that has been incredibly healing to me. just knowing i have that support, and knowing that people are keeping our family in their prayers. i am constantly amazed by the amount of love that is around me. what a blessing. i know that we will be with Ryan again, and that he is in the choicest place possible. that knowledge alone is making this bearable.

traveling art kit

i have been wanting to do this for some time now. to have a kit with me whenever the creative urge beckons. so i found this cute little hard case bag at ross and went to town. i had a hard time deciding what was essential. but i think i came up with a good selection of things i use regularly. i will use this even when i'm home. so often i want to work in my art journal but want to be in my bedroom or upstairs with the family. i think this will be a good solution.

i found this beauty in our backyard. what an amazing gift!! i love little surprises like this...made me so happy yesterday!

that darn couch just keeps calling

he makes it so hard for me to tell him to get off. he purposely cuddles and snuggles and puts on his cutest doggy expressions to prolong his nesting time on the couch! yesterday it took all that i could muster up to tell him to get off.i mean look at that face...that tongue strategically placed...and those eyes!! he was melting me!

today vs. yesterday

yesterday i went on a field trip with noah's preschool class to a place called four mile historical park. it was so cool because the kids got to do lots of hands-on activities...things the pioneers had to do everyday. of course they thought it was fun, not work or chores at all. it was a brisk day, but the kids were able to shed their jackets after awhile.

they got to make their own butter....and eat it too!! it was yummy, actually.
...and pan for gold. each found a tiny bit after some sifting through the sand of the creek water.



but........this is what we woke up to this morning:
crazy colorado weather! i am keeping the boys home today because it is still snowing. in a few days i'm sure it will all be a distant memory!!