emotional purging to my dear blog...

to say that i have been in a conflict of emotions today would be an understatement. i would say the biggest feeling i have had today is fear, mixed with a good dose of loneliness. i am a worrier and a control freak. for the past six years my life has been somewhat predictable. i know how to do three kids. i am at a comfortable place. sure a few curve balls have been thrown my way, and whenever you have kids there are always moments that make you hold your breath (for good and bad). but despite that, we have been a family of five.
tomorrow that will change to six. i am so thankful for this gift from heaven. i am so thankful to have been able to get pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy. i am thankful that we have a wonderful, warm home to bring him home to. believe me, with all that's going on in the world right now, gratitude for all of my blessings is on the forefront of my mind. but i am a woman with hormones, and lots of worries.
i blog all of this to help purge it from my heart a bit, to document my feelings at this time in my life, and for therapy's sake. cheap therapy. funny how this blog has become my closest friend in a lot of ways. hmm. but i digress....
deep breath.
ok. i am ready for this, i think.
no, i am. i've done it before.
it's just that unknown thing again.
life is a grand adventure, a roller coaster ride. right now i am cresting a hill. you know the feeling of fear, apprehension, excitement, and butterflies in your stomach? yeah, i'm there. totally.
so take another deep breath.
remember not to close your eyes too tight (or you might miss something).
and throw your hands in the air! this is the best part!