birthday weekend in frisco

my husband rocks! he outdid himself this year...truly. he surprised me with a weekend at a bed and breakfast in frisco. just us. no tv. no distractions whatsoever. perfect!



here is our perfectly charming room. let me preface this by saying that the b&b we stayed at was originally built in 1865. the room was cozy and quaint... everything my mind pictured a room in a b&b to be.
in true b&b style, we shared a bathroom with fellow lodgers.

this place was the model of alpine-ski charm.
and i should mention that we enjoyed a delicious breakfast each morning, and "apres ski" snacks each afternoon. we dined 'european style' with fellow lodgers. this was so fun, getting to know people from as far as hawaii. loved every bit of it!

this is the view from the front of the frisco lodge. breathtaking!

our entire weekend was lovely, from start to finish! if it's possible to fall more in love with someone you spend almost all your time with, then i did. i feel so blessed to get to spend the rest of forever with my best friend.
thanks for one of the best weekends of my life stephan. i love you!

overdue recent pics of my kiddos

first i want to sincerely thank those of you who commented on my last post, and showed such love and support to me! i feel so totally blessed to have friends and family as marvelous as you all.

these are some pics i took when becca was here. it was a good opportunity to take some recent shots of my boys.

feelings, thoughts, and ramblings of a pregnant woman

so i've had quite a lot on my mind these days. a. lot.

i am officially 16 weeks pregnant with our fourth child.

i am turning 36 on saturday.

i sleep a lot.

i have many fears.

i have many great expectations and dreams.

i (not so secretly) wish for a baby girl.

i often feel alone, sometimes self-inflicted loneliness, but loneliness nonetheless.

i'm not quite sure what to do with myself.

i have prayed a lot lately. prayed for strength, patience and comfort.

i have been doing some soul-searching. (maybe that's normal when you are pregnant)

i want and try hard to cherish this quieter time before the baby.

i feel fat.

oh, and not so cute.

is that normal too??

i feel very thankful and blessed that we have been taken care of in spite of stephans lack of employment.

i really do not enjoy the heat, and feel annoyed with the dragging on of summer.

did i mention i have very little patience these days?

i feel the need to justify my daily naps. why, i'm not sure. i'm a better me when i take them!

i say yes to almost everything. not so good for a tired, pregnant mamma.

i have a reaalllly hard time asking for help - in any form.

i love my diet pepsi's. mmmm...

i cannot go to the grocery store without purchasing at least 2 impulse "craving-type" items. (one of those is usually a nice fat loaf of french bread, which i consume a good chunk of on the way home).

i feel disappointed in myself when i don't say what i want, or take a stand for myself. i know better.

i worry. a lot.

i over think almost everything.

i miss california and the beach.

and my mom and sister who are in california.

at the moment i have some serious heartburn.


okay. i think i've purged most of my random thoughts. sigh. i feel better now! writing is good.

noahs first day of kindergarten

ah, this day came too soon! i mean, i knew it was on the horizon...but seriously, too soon. of course i was a mix of a thousand emotions - but i did not cry! yeah! and noah? well, he was noah about it. he went with the flow. that's my boy! (actually, he must get that from stephan because i am, and always have been a nervous mess when it comes to first days of school)
so far, so good. we shall see how he really likes it once they start the normal "grind" of kindergarten.


this is him coming out after school. apparently kindergarten is thirsty work!

a visitor from PA

this week we had a welcome visitor from our old stomping grounds, pennsylvania....our neice, becca!
we actually only had her for a few days, and the rest of the time she is with my in-laws. so where is our favorite place to take out-of-towners?? why, breckenridge, of course! (we seriously need to invest in a time share or something up there!! geesh!)
then on her second day with us she had a choice between the mall and swimming. swimming won out. the boys have had so much fun with her. i have too...it's really fun to hang out with a fourteen year old GIRL!!! :)

fabulous fourth

we had ourselves a nice, quiet fourth of july. the older boys were with their dad, on a road trip to utah to visit family there. so we headed to colorado springs. my mom was in town for the weekend. no crowds. no craziness. just simple pleasures!

and some hot tubing....



followed, of course, by fireworks. this was noah's first experience with fireworks. he did not dissapoint. i don't know if his love of them is a good thing or a bad thing. but it was highly entertaining!


no photoshopping these pics...gotta love that low ISO setting....


a good day. much like thanksgiving, to me the fourth is a day to take stock of our blessings and be THANKFUL for them. especially this wonderful country we live in.

craving of the moment...

CUPCAKES! homemade, preferably.
so, last night i made some delicious (from scratch) vanilla cupcakes. adorned with delicious (from duncan heines) chocolate frosting.





when i have a craving, people around me benefit!!!

long overdue update!

sigh....
this pregnancy is kicking my butt. i am tired, sick, and trying very hard to relish every moment for the blessing that it is. i am happy. busy, but happy.
so here is what our family has been up to (incredibly condensed version):

noah's preschool graduation

kyles elementary school graduation

noah plays t-ball (and steph is coaching)

ben playing summer bball
(kyle is playing too, i will post a pic one of these days)

cherry summer schedule -
monday: noah t-ball game, ben and kyle bball practice
tuesday: ben young mens
wednesday: our only precious free night
thursday: kim and kyle scouts (i am a den leader)
friday: kyle and ben bball practice (two separate fields, so we split up)
saturday: ben and kyle games
sunday: church

throw in various camp meetings (my other calling is assistant stake yw camp director)

summer is busy, busy, busy!
i need constant reminders to breathe and enjoy the journey.

positive!

due date: 2/4/2010

the Lord has interesting timing for us!
that is certain. :)

2009 Bolder Boulder 10K

i
am
not
a runner.

but
i
do
a
good
job
pretending!
my stats for the bolder boulder:
prior training....none.
apprehension...plenty.
my want of conquering something i am afraid of...very big.
10k (or 6.something miles).....done!
time...1 hour, 30 minutes.
YES!
i ran this with stephan. he was amaaaazing. he had absolutely NO training (i have run once or twice in the past couple weeks). but he blew me away. he took off, and i am pretty sure was held back just a little by me. he would run ahead, but not too far ahead. there was a record-breaking crowd of 56,000 participants. one could easily lose your running buddy in such a sea 'o runners. but he stayed close enough not to lose sight of me. he pushed me when i needed it. gave me room to walk and listen to my body when i needed to. motivated me every step of the way. one could not ask for a better running companion. thank you sweet husband!
i am sore. my knees feel like bags of crunched up potato chips. my arse is sore too.
it's good.
it's all good.


halfway through the race i had a moment of complete clarity. a moment that makes one want to drop to their knees and breathe in every scent that surrounds. i was absolutely living my life on purpose, in that moment, and conscious of my every last blessing!
i
am
so
blessed!

evolution of a garden...

we have talked about having a garden for quite some time. this year, in the middle of wide-spread economic down-fall, seemed like a good time to make good on all our talk.

a garden seems like such a simple undertaking. to me, the wide-eyed, the garden-illiterate. i do okay with houseplants so i figured, what could be so different? ha! A LOT!

enter the internet-reading, research-doing husband. he rides in on a gas powered tiller to save the day. or, put some home-grown veggies on our table.


step 1)
do a little math and figure out how much space to carve out for your garden.
clear it.
rake it.
prep it. (and when i say prepping, i mean add cow poop/manure, and other such nutrients)


step 2)
shovel all that beautiful compost you've worked on through the year into wheel barrow.
comment on the coolness of turning your organic waste into compost. several times.

step 3)
continue to marvel at the compost. it's just so dang cool!!!


i mean, look...a soybean shell. staring up at me.
ah, that soybean and i had some good times!
it will continue to serve me well.


step 4)
till.
till some more.
till 'til you can't till anymore. working it all in is apparently very important.
(notice the smile on stephan's face. it's rewarding even at this early stage!)
step 6)
build rabbit, dog, kid proof gate. (not pictured, but soon to be added)
the rest of the steps are soon to come. that's as far as we've gotten.
planting will happen tomorrow.

garden of the gods

we had fun.
just taking a few pics.
hanging out together.
me and him.
doing what we do best.
being..... together!

this guy was rocking the side of this rock!

and this guy was rocking the side of this rock!! :)

photo credit: stephan
he captured this image of me looking lovingly at a cute dog.
he said this is me. totally me.

i am obsessed with tree branches these days. don't ask.

us.

him.

rough, rugged, untamed beauty.

ryan

(ryan's hands and footprints. a necklace given to me by my dear friend, natalie)

one year ago i went in for my twenty week ultrasound. full of hope, excitement, anticipation. i left the office with a broken heart. my son had passed away and i needed to give birth.

i walked into the hospital holding my head high. i had a day to process the raw emotions, and now i needed to take care of the physical end of it. they put me in a special birthing room, reserved for mothers in the situation i was in: knowing they were going to deliver a stillborn baby. the outside of the door had a picture (of a sunset or something) to let the doctors and nurses that entered know that the occasion was not a happy one, and congratulations were not in order. you have no idea how much i appreciated this because i was wondering how many people would smile and congratulate us. i put my things down and sat on the bed. i wasn't prepared for the title wave of emotion that would hit me. right next to the bed was a baby warmer/bassinet. they had laid out several tools that are used for cleaning the baby after delivery. i cried. hard. all stephan could do was hold me. there were no more words of comfort. over the next six hours or so i was in labor. it was painful in every way. no reward at the end. my only comfort was that ryan's spirit was looking down from above. it happened quietly. my tiny baby was gently delivered, swaddled in a receiving blanket, and placed in my arms. he was fully formed. all of him would have fit in the palm of my hand. i placed his limp hand across my fingernail and mourned. i didn't want to let him go. the doctor gave us time to be with him, pray with him, love him. we cried together and held our son. then we said goodbye...for now. promises of seeing him, and raising him on the other side were our only comfort. the nurse did his hand and foot prints. i can't tell you how thankful i am that she did, it is my only "photo" of ryan.

this year has been one of the most powerful, growth-inducing years of my life. i have grown closer to my heavenly father than i ever could have imagined. my testimony of the gospel, and heavenly fathers plan for us is deep. i know, without a doubt, that He has a plan for us. pain and suffering is part of that plan. i believe He mourns with us and knows our pain on every level. i also believe He will never give us more than we can handle. as hard as it has been, i have handled this trial, and continue to do so everyday. my pain will never fully go away. i don't want it to. it is what i have left of ryan, for now. i am thankful for my husband. he stands by me, loves me, holds me and fulfills my every need. this trial has deepened our relationship.

i write this because it is healing for me. i want to remember my feelings - good and bad. i want my other children to know what this time was like. and perhaps this will help another going through a similar trial.

i love you ryan. we miss you and think of you all the time. even though your body is not here, your spirit is felt in our home. i can't wait for the day when i will be able to hold you again. you have taught me so much, you have given me so much. thank you, sweet, dear son.

working with what you have

one of my favorite stores (ever) is anthropologie. pretty sure i've mentioned that, but if not, there you go. why is this so? well, inspiration, of course! case in point, my latest creations:


both were semi-plain clothing items. the second, short-sleeve shirt, didn't fit me quite right. both are now cute layering, cardigan-type lovelies.

gorgeous movies and books

i read a book on sunday.
all of it, on sunday (granted it's short).it's been a really long time since i've done that.
girl with a pearl earring by tracy chevalier is amazing. it's a fictional story, laced with facts. the author has taken a masterpiece painting (often referred to as the mona lisa of the north), by vermeer, and painted us a fictional background of the painting, girl with a pearl earring. this is the kind of book that dwells in your soul after you read it. you are pulled into the world of 17th century holland. it's almost hard to re-adjust to 21st century life. almost. (i really love my electricity and running water)

i had to buy the movie. so i went on amazon.com and did so. of course i couldn't be expected to wait until i got it, so my friend natalie lent it to me. she went above and beyond and gave me my very own vermeer art book. thank you, thank you, natalie! (vermeer is her absolute favorite artist, so the passion for the work is very much shared.)
the movie did not dissapoint. my only complaint was that they did cut out quite a bit and altered certain scenes. understandable in the interest of keeping it streamlined enough for two hours. you fall in love with vermeer and his work all over again. collin firth plays vermeer. brilliant. i was breathless while watching certain scenes between him and scarlett johansson. their chemistry is palpable to say the least.
watch it. trust me it's worth it.


then we have another period piece. (actually that's kind of been a theme for me lately.)
this one also comes on recommendation (and borrowed) from natalie. i loved it. it is a story that champions the underdog in a unique way. a story of the power of the human mind and heart. gripping. passionate. stunning in many ways. it, too, has carved it's little place in my soul.

and finally, we come to a new favorite of mine. right up there with jane eyre....jane austens pride and prejudice. i am currently reading the book.
i think most are familiar with the book and the movie (some version of it). i saw the version with keira knightly. truly beautiful in every way. after watching it, i found myself googling 19th century clothing and hairstyles. one of these years, for halloween, or another such ocassion, i will be elizabeth bennett. and stephan (unbeknownst to him) will be mr. darcy. period.